Monthly Archives: October 2007

Happiness Is …

Finishing up what you thought was the final novel in your new favorite series, only to receive the next book, which you forgot you ordered a few weeks ago, in the mail, that very same day.

Sometimes early onset senility results in nice surprises.

Ear, Nose and Throat

So remember last week, when the Hatchling had that fever and sore throat? Well, it went away, but she still seemed a little out of sorts over the weekend. Not sleeping well, more clingy than usual, a little more fragile. You know, the kind of thing where you can’t tell if it’s illness or just being one-and-a-half years old. Also, she had this cough. This cough, which last night blossomed into a scary sounding little seal-bark replete with wheezy, painful-sounding breathing. She woke herself up coughing at around 1:30 in the morning. (I, of course, had not yet gone to sleep, because who can sleep when your baby girl is barking like a seal every 10 minutes?) When I went into her room to get her, her breathing sounded so bad I took her right into the bathroom and turned on the shower full blast. We sat there in the steam, rocking, while Mr. Squab called the nurseline. Whee, parenting!!

So: one sleep deprived night and one visit to the doctor’s office later, the Hatchling is diagnosed with croup – which I always think sounds Dickensian – PLUS, as a bonus, double ear infections! In this household, we don’t pussyfoot around with disease. So we got a nice steroid shot for the croup – take THAT, Dickens – and some amoxicillin for the ear infections, and please lord that will take care of it, at least for this week.

HELL yeah

One of the awesome things about living in Minneapolis is that the Guthrie Theater is here, and if you’re lucky and have an x-treeemly nice friend who works there sometimes you get to do things like go see Sir Ian McKellen talk about his life as an actor and then take questions from the audience. I SAW GANDALF LIVE, YO. I’ve been to a couple of these “conversations” (Hume Cronyn and Tom Stoppard before this one), and they’re pretty universally awesome. Actors and playwrights tend to be pretty good storytellers, and it is so fun to see these legendary figures in real life, as it were. McKellen was no different: great sense of humor, funny anecdotes, patient tolerance of some of the off-kilter audience questions (one woman actually had the temerity to use her time at the mic to ask for tickets to McKellen’s sold-out run of King Lear. Sheesh.) The audience was already in his thrall, and after the question and answer session was over he stood up. But instead of leaving, he told us that he had “a little treat” for us, and related how back in 1964 he’d acted in this play Sir Thomas More, of which three pages are believed to have been written by Shakespeare. The play, surprisingly, had never been performed before McKellen’s production; he said he was one of the last actors who’d ever be able to claim to have originated a Shakespearean role. (How cool is that?) And then, out of nowhere, he pulled out this speech from the play, More’s response to the men of the city calling for the “removal of strangers” from the city. The speech was astonishing, not only for its beautiful language, but moreover for its startling relevance to the current political situation:

MORE. Grant them removed, and grant that this your noise
Hath chid down all the majesty of England;
Imagine that you see the wretched strangers,
Their babies at their backs and their poor luggage,
Plodding tooth ports and costs for transportation,
And that you sit as kings in your desires,
Authority quite silent by your brawl,
And you in ruff of your opinions clothed;
What had you got? I’ll tell you: you had taught
How insolence and strong hand should prevail,
How order should be quelled; and by this pattern
Not one of you should live an aged man,
For other ruffians, as their fancies wrought,
With self same hand, self reasons, and self right,
Would shark on you, and men like ravenous fishes
Would feed on one another.

… Let me set up before your thoughts, good friends,
One supposition; which if you will mark,
You shall perceive how horrible a shape
Your innovation bears: first, tis a sin
Which oft the apostle did forewarn us of,
Urging obedience to authority;
And twere no error, if I told you all,
You were in arms against your God himself.

… Nay, certainly you are;
For to the king God hath his office lent
Of dread, of justice, power and command,
Hath bid him rule, and willed you to obey;
And, to add ampler majesty to this,
He hath not only lent the king his figure,
His throne and sword, but given him his own name,
Calls him a god on earth. What do you, then,
Rising gainst him that God himself installs,
But rise against God? what do you to your souls
In doing this? O, desperate as you are,
Wash your foul minds with tears, and those same hands,
That you like rebels lift against the peace,
Lift up for peace, and your unreverent knees,
Make them your feet to kneel to be forgiven!
Tell me but this: what rebel captain,
As mutinies are incident, by his name
Can still the rout? who will obey a traitor?
Or how can well that proclamation sound,
When there is no addition but a rebel
To qualify a rebel? You’ll put down strangers,
Kill them, cut their throats, possess their houses,
And lead the majesty of law in line,
To slip him like a hound. Say now the king
(As he is clement, if th’ offender mourn)
Should so much come to short of your great trespass
As but to banish you, whither would you go?
What country, by the nature of your error,
Should give you harbor? go you to France or Flanders,
To any German province, to Spain or Portugal,
Nay, any where that not adheres to England,–
Why, you must needs be strangers: would you be pleased
To find a nation of such barbarous temper,
That, breaking out in hideous violence,
Would not afford you an abode on earth,
Whet their detested knives against your throats,
Spurn you like dogs, and like as if that God
Owed not nor made not you, nor that the claimants
Were not all appropriate to your comforts,
But chartered unto them, what would you think
To be thus used? this is the strangers case;
And this your mountainish inhumanity.

Just take a minute and read it out loud – it’s killer stuff. Even more so when it’s being declaimed by one of the most famous voices in the world on one of the most famous stages in the country. (I mean, come on: Magneto saying “Men like ravenous fishes would feed on one another?” YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT.) The audience went nuts for it, of course. For a brief moment I wished there was some way McKellen could be got to give that speech in the Oval Office, but I immediately realized the laughable absurdity of that idea. Like Dubya would comprehend .001% of it. Ha! Sometimes I crack myself up. Ah, well. At least I got to hear it.

Parenthood

The Hatchling has some kind of bug that involves a fever and crankiness, interspersed with general lassitude.

In a related event, I have the damn theme song to “Elmo’s World” permanently lodged in my brain.

Overall, not one of my better days as a parent.

A brief vignette

Last night, the Hatchling, Mr. Squab and I had to go to a men’s clothing chain store to get Mr. Squab a suit for my brother’s upcoming wedding. The Hatchling hadn’t taken her usual excess of naps and is generally going through a clingy/cranky phase, so I was not sanguine about her ability to wait patiently while Mr. Squab tried on his suit, got measured for alterations, and looked for a dress shirt. Initially, we were ok: one of the sales associates had left his measuring tape on the floor, and measuring tapes are one of the Hatchling’s favorite toys. She slung it around her neck and wandered the alterations area like a miniature tailor, exclaiming “HI!” in her usual pleased manner when she espied me, her father, or her aunt or uncle amongst the suit jackets. But these pleasures can sustain a toddler for only so long, and when the measuring tape had to be surrendered to its rightful owner, I braced myself for some righteous fussing/whinging/acts of vandalism.

But I was not reckoning with the guardian angel of beleaguered mothers, who appeared to us that night in the form of a sweet tweenaged boy with a shock of blond hair and a mouthful of braces. He was stuck there with his family and had taken refuge in one of the chairs over by the shoe section. Now, I don’t know how many tweenaged boys you know. I myself have only limited contact with them, but it’s enough to recognize that, in general, their tolerance for the toddler set is somewhat limited. Even the Hatchling’s much-beloved nine-year-old cousin, though very sweet, is liable to get a little fed up with his small relative when she throws his game controller to the floor for the fifth time, or interrupts his computer game by thrusting herself onto his lap and poking her finger in his eye. And really, who can blame him?

This kid, though, was different. I don’t know if it was merely circumstance (nothing else to do at the Mens Wearhouse at 7:30 on a Monday night), a preternatural affinity with 17-month-olds, or the Hatchling’s ability to seek out the most baby-friendly person in a three mile radius, but this kid had the right stuff. The Hatchling spied him from across the store and you could practically see the cogs turning in her wee baby brain. “KID! MUST GO SEE!” She marched right over to him, put both her chubby hands on his knees, and let loose with an absolute torrent of baby babble. And rather than looking slightly pained at this complete invasion of his personal space – you know, like a normal person would – this young man gazed right back into the Hatchling’s upturned face and said “Ohhhhh. Really?” just as if the Hatchling was the most fascinating conversationalist with whom he had ever had the good fortune to come into contact.

Well. This is this kind of response the Hatchling normally gets only from her besotted adult relations, and frankly that’s gotten a little boring by now. But THIS! A cool, older kid, giving her the full force of his attention? Really listening to her and talking back? OMG. She, like, could not even HANDLE it. She was so delighted with him that every time he said “Ohhhh” in response to her she let out a peal of infectious toddler laughter and then babbled some more. Then he would say “ohhhhh” again and that would set her off laughing even harder. Her squeals of rapture were so squeal-y and so rapturous that half the store came over to see what the heck was going on, and I had tears of laughter streaming down my face. The boy’s mom glanced over at us and said, “I don’t know what it is, but babies just love him.” And I said, “well, mine thinks he is her new best friend.” The Hatchling and her new idol “chatted” away while Mr. Squab finished getting measured and got back into his own clothes, and then it was time to go. “Can you say goodbye to your new friend?” I asked, and the Hatchling did the fist clenching and unclenching that passes for a wave in her book. “You’re really good with toddlers,” I said to the boy. “Thanks,” he replied a little awkwardly. “Have a good night.” “You, too,” we said, and went out into the dark to get in our car and drive home.

I tell you what, with kids like these, sometimes I think the future isn’t going to be half bad.