The Squotient Triangulum, Part II

Yesterday, we covered the origins of the Squotient Triangulum; today I’m giving you a detailed guide to the three major types, so you can see where you and the people and things around you fit!

Squabby: Squabs tend to be very easy-going, mellow people. Highly cuddly, they thrive on sensual pleasures (eating, massages, music, basking in the sun) and often lose track of time if not carefully watched. Squabs are typically optimistic, sunny people, and never stay angry or cross for long. They enjoy sleeping in, staying out late, and being around other people of all varieties. Squabs are fond of new and exotic experiences and will try just about anything once. As they are usually talented in multiple areas it is often difficult for them to focus on one career path or course of study. Squabs are not neat; they have a mind above such pedantic concerns as tidiness and truly do not notice that the dishes have been piling up for days and are beginning to smell. Though their lack of organization can be difficult for Squins and Squos to deal with at times, Squabs’ go-with-the-flow attitude and immense capacity for happiness make them generally quite pleasant to be around. Physically, Squabs tend towards roundness and softness, though this is not universally the case.

Celebrity Squabs: Drew Barrymore, Kathy Najimy, Fozzie Bear
Other Squabby Items: Polar fleece; warm chocolate chip cookies; soft rainy days; e.e. cummings poetry.

Squinny: Squins tend to be more intense and more focused than Squabs. Physically elegant, they thrive on order and structure and can get quite out of sorts in chaotic situations. Squins are high-strung high-achievers, and hate to be disappointed in their expectations of other people (which, alas, happens frequently). Some would call Squins “high-maintenance”; Squins prefer to think of it as having standards. Squins demand regular, sensible schedules, and please do not call them during dinner time or after 10:00 at night. They are very attentive to detail, and believe that a task is not worth doing unless it is done just right. Squins are extremely neat, and even enjoy cleaning up after others, as long as this service is not taken for granted. Though Squins are not usually “touchy-feely” people, they are nonetheless quite affectionate within a selectively chosen circle. Exceedingly conscious of status, Squins often are the ones to consult about what wine to order, where the hot new boutique is located, or what novel you should be reading. Physically, Squins tend towards the long, lean, and lithe, though this is not universally the case.

Celebrity Squins: Rupert Everett, Madonna, Lucy Liu
Other Squinny Items: A dry martini; Jean-Paul Gaultier; Quebecois; stilettos

Squotund: Squos are the most grounded and even of the three temperaments. Reliability and moderation are the watchwords of the Squotund type. Very difficult to rile, Squos make excellent managers and are often the calm at the eye of the storm. Squos are organized without being obsessive about it; easy-going without being pushovers; and strongly loyal to both friends and family. They generally prefer a regular routine, but are not averse to a little spontaneous fun when the occasion merits. You will rarely find Squos in the spotlight; they’re far more likely to be the essential behind-the-scenes person without whom the whole project would collapse. Squos are excellent comforters when things go wrong, and with a Squo in your corner life’s challenges suddenly seem less daunting. Physically, Squos tend to be large and solid, though this is not universally the case.

Celebrity Squos: Julia Childs, Morgan Freeman, Penny Marshall
Other Squotund Items: Wide-wale corduroy; Range Rovers; German; fictional badgers

So: now that you know the types, which one are you?

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