This just in: The birds at our birdfeeder are retarded.

We don’t get the pretty, showy birds at our feeder; it’s more of a proletariat smorgasbord of miscellaneous sparrows and chickadees. Which, no biggie, they gotta eat, too, but sweet fancy MOSES, are they stupid. Here’s the pattern:

1. Assemble in branches of fir tree adjacent to feeder.
2. Swoop down en masse and lustily attack the feeder and often each other for about 5 seconds.
3. Get startled by the, um, NOTHING that is walking by, and feverishly flock back to the safety of the fir branches. For another 5 seconds.
4. Remember, hey! There’s food down there! For free! We should look into that!
5. Repeat steps 2-4 ad infinitum.

It is seriously giving the cat whiplash. Not being much of a bird person, I’m sure there could be some rational explanation for this, you’ll excuse the pun, flighty behavior, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it would be.

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