Monthly Archives: January 2007

Mutton dressed as totally rockin’ lamb

Posted on January 29, 2007 | Comments Off on Mutton dressed as totally rockin’ lamb

So, last night I went to see Justin Timberlake and Pink in concert. I got the ticket from my future sister-in-law, who wanted to go with someone who would “enjoy the concert without irony” (i.e., not my brother). Now, it’s true, JT is one of my guilty pleasures – hell, not even that guilty: have you seen him on SNL? But that said, I have to admit I was feeling a little foolish before we went. I mean, you know, I’m not twelve (mental age notwithstanding). And while I have his CDs and some of Pink’s singles, it’s not like I know them by heart the way I did when I went to see Culture Club (my first concert, when I *was* twelve). I just thought it would make me feel old. And tired. But you know what? IT FUCKING ROCKED. I shit you not. It was awesome. Pink kicked some serious ass, both vocally and with some serious cirque du soleil maneuvers at the end of the set. And JT was just an amazing showman. He really seemed to be having a good time, his voice sounded incredible, and damn, that boy can dance. Also, Timbaland was on tour with him, so in addition to providing the “yeahs” on Sexyback, he did this rad intermission show, DJing some crazy stuff while the projection screens showed this montage of anime, computer animation, video clips, and 1930s cartoons. It was wild. Even better: the girls sitting next to us were not sloppy drunk, and we had an open seat on either side of us, so there was plenty of room for dancing. Best yet, at the end of the show, future sis-in-law screamed out “I LOVE YOU JUSTIN” at the top of her lungs.

In short, it ruled. So old age can stick THAT in its pipe and smoke it.

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Posted in good times, Pop Culture

Sometimes, babies rule

Posted on January 26, 2007 | Comments Off on Sometimes, babies rule

To wit: This afternoon, the Hatchling took a whopping THREE HOUR LONG nap (yep, she’s still sick), and when she got up she spent five minutes trying to catch the sunbeam coming through the window.

There’s just nothing not great about that.

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Posted in good times

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Thank you, internets.

Posted on January 24, 2007 | Comments Off on Thank you, internets.

(via signbot)

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Posted in updates

Bleaaarrghh

Posted on January 22, 2007 | Comments Off on Bleaaarrghh

My chest cold: still present, though getting *slightly* better. I still sound like an asthmatic walrus when I’m sleeping, so that’s fun for Mr. Squab. But the BEST part is that I gave the cold to the Hatchling, despite all the hand washing and Purell-ing I’ve been doing since I got sick. I tell you what, there’s nothing like having your baby wake up screaming at midnight with a fever of 103.5 to really get you alert. A swift dose of Tylenol got the fever down, but the poor baby just feels so wretched, and there’s not much we can do to make her feel better. AND I’m late with her monthly newsletter, AND I have literally no clean underwear, AND why does it have to be stinkin Monday tomorrow?

In case you’re wondering, yes, I would like some cheese with my whine.

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Posted in trials and tribulations, updates

Brown-kites

Posted on January 17, 2007 | Comments Off on Brown-kites

I have a chest cold. It sucks. I sound like a lifelong smoker.

Posting will be light.

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Posted in trials and tribulations, updates

Golden Globes Liveblogging

Posted on January 16, 2007 | Comments Off on Golden Globes Liveblogging

Ok, keeds. Here we go!! Awards season is officially upon us. Let’s revel in the designer gowns and awkward speeches.

Opening sequence: well, it isn’t quite as annoying as last year’s … is Heidi Klum pregnant AGAIN? What is she, part rabbit?

7:02 First award: Best Supporting Actress in a musical/comedy. No brainer – it goes to Jennifer Hudson. As it should, and she’s cute and gushy. And looks fabulous! J’Approve.

7:08 So, OK, the Justin and Cameron split: who broke up with whom? Does anybody know? Justin looks sort of bereft, but that could just be the pose he’s striking. OH HE DID NOT just disrespect Prince! Ouch. Where’s the love, JT? Without Prince you’d just be an ex-mouseketeer, lovey.

7:12 How weird would it be to have Jack Nicholson for your dad? I mean, how scared would your prom date be to meet the parents?

What the HELL does Jeremy Irons have on his vest? It looks like little stab wounds. It’s like a little asian-inspired, multiple stab-wound ensemble.

7:16 Oh, Tina Fey, Tina Fey. Honey, honey, honey. Here’s a little fashion rule of thumb: never wear a skirt that’s wider than the limo you’re taking to the awards ceremony. And would it kill you to have someone style your hair? I love you, but you are NOT doing yourself any favors here. Kyra, now, looks lovely. Nice to see a woman with a real figure who knows how to dress it.

God, I hate the post-award interviews. “Your husband was so happy for you!” Fuck. What is she supposed to say? I mean, OF COURSE he’s happy for her. Let the woman go backstage and have a damn drink.

7:25 Hugh Grant looks stoned.

I kind of want to like Naomi Watts’s dress, but I don’t think I can. Renee Zellwegger, OTOH, looks fabulous. Not everyone can carry off emerald green – and tea length, at that – but she’s doing it. Please tell me Will Ferrell’s honky-fro is for a movie role. Please.

7:30 When did Puff Daddy get Hollywood cred? Sufficient to present at the Globes? Did I miss something? God, Emily Blunt looks incredible … but um, her voice is so nasal! Did I just miss that in The Devil Wears Prada?

Holy hot actor category: Best male in a television drama. I would not kick any of those men out of bed. No siree. LOVE Hugh Laurie. LOVE HIM. Awesome acceptance speech.

Does Maria Menounos bug the crap out of anyone else? Because she bugs the CRAP out of me.

7:41 Can Charlie Sheen PLEASE get a frickin haircut? And, um, a tailor or something? Surely he can afford a suit that actually, you know, fits him and all. I mean, I know he spends a lot on the prostitutes and the drugs, but c’mon! visit a Men’s Wearhouse, for chrissakes.

… and the award for most fun ‘n’ zany necktie goes to John Lassiter. Yowza.

7:47 How does Annette Bening always, always, always get her hair to look so damn good? OK, Meryl Streep is such a cute mom!! God. And the nice thing is, when she wins, everyone wins, because you can’t get mad at losing to Meryl-frickin-Streep. And her speeches are always so great. (I guess when you’ve had that much practice …)

7:56 So Sascha Baron Cohen did come as himself! Shoot, I was kind of looking forward to Borat’s acceptance speech. … Is anyone out there sexier than Salma Hayek? I mean, I don’t lean that way, but she is just luscious.

8:00 Jack Nicholson is officially wasted. Heh.

8:08 The thing is, Sienna Miller is very pretty, but WHY must she always look mussed? WHY? I mean, her dress is nice, her figure is lovely, but her hair looks like carefully coiffed crap and her face is all shiny and slick looking. Bleh.

8:22 Oh my god, what is that on Vanessa Williams’s head?!?! Did a rabid poodle attack her on her way down the red carpet? Those are the worst hair … I can’t even call them extensions, they’re more like explosions. But whatever they are, they’re BAD.

Note: the set looks disturbingly like a massive tanning booth.

8:33 Ugly Betty won over The Office?!?! I’m sorry, that is not right. I’m sure it’s cute and all, but DOES IT HAVE DWIGHT SCHRUTE??? I think not. Case closed.

8:37 Sharon Stone = scaaaaaary. Is it Botox? Or is she just one of the undead?

8:49 Jennifer Love. I actually liked her for like a season on Party of Five, you know? But now she’s so … cringeworthy. And that dress is like some kind of fucked up carmelized upside down boobcake.

OK, maybe I need to actually watch Ugly Betty before I get all bitchy about it. I mean, I love the symbolism of America Ferrara winning, and she’s super cute and all. I just don’t get the sense it’s that great of a show. Plus I think it’s on against Grey’s Anatomy and I cannot miss my weekly McDreamy fix. I have to have my priorities.

9:00 Has anyone told Tom Hanks that he’s not actually in The Da Vinci Code anymore? Tom: you can cut your hair now. Really. If you need the name of a stylist, I’m sure Rita can suggest one. Her hair always looks pretty nice.

9:18 Awwww. Warren wuvs his wittow Annette. I actually find that rather charming.

9:28 Reese, baby, lookin’ GOOD. Divorce suits you.

Er … has anyone ever said “anus and testicles” in a Golden Globes acceptance speech before? Because it’s about damn time. Not to mention “rancid bubble.” Oh, shit. That acceptance speech CAPS it. Awesome.

9:45 You wanna know why Grey’s Anatomy is so awesome? Look at all those women and people of color up there on that stage. THAT’S why, dammit.

Who’s better than Helen Mirren? Way to rock the double Globes, girlfriend! True, your own could possibly have benefitted from some slightly more structured undergarments, but it’s your night: we’ll let it pass.

9:55 I gotta be honest: Forest Whittaker kind of gives me the creeps. I know he’s an amazing actor, I do, but somehow I can’t get past the creep factor. Is anyone with me? No?

10:03 Alec Baldwin and Alejandro González Iñárritu BOTH gave crap to the Governator. Ass-ome.

SUMMARY: A pretty satisfying show this year. The right people mostly won, and there were a few enjoyable drunk/high moments. No major fashion disasters … no, wait, I’d blocked out Vanessa Williams’s hair. *shudder* Can’t wait for the Oscars!!

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Posted in Pop Culture

Ah, Nature

Posted on January 12, 2007 | Comments Off on Ah, Nature

Remember when I was waxing rhapsodic about the benefits of being a SAHM? How it was so great to be out in the seasons, interacting with nature on a regular basis?

Yeah. This morning, the Hatchling and I watched two squirrels humping on a tree trunk outside our livingroom window. They were going at it pretty hard, when the humpee spotted us watching them and started to inch up the tree with the humper still going at it on her back. The Hatchling was entranced. I was more … dumbfounded. Where’s Marlin Perkins when you need him?

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Posted in Funny Stuff

Things you only discover after you have kids

Posted on January 12, 2007 | Comments Off on Things you only discover after you have kids

Today’s episode: The Staining Power of Carrots.

I mean, really. The Hatchling’s ENTIRE BUTT is yellow. Who knew?

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Baby You Can Drive My Car

Posted on January 11, 2007 | Comments Off on Baby You Can Drive My Car

Remember those anxiety dreams you used to have in elementary school? The ones where you accidentally went to school naked, but you didn’t notice it until you were on the playground or some other completely exposed place? I had one of those the other night. It involved me having to walk down a corridor in a school or office building, accompanied by Mr. Squab. The odd thing was that while I was certainly uncomfortable with my nakedness, it wasn’t because it was inappropriate in the world of the dream. It was just my personal discomfort; the people I passed in the dream, even the ones who knew me, didn’t seem at all fazed by my nudity.

But that classic anxiety dream is an anomaly for me in recent years. As an adult, my tension tends to express itself in dreams about driving. The most common one is where I’m driving a car with sketchy brakes. The brakes work, but only just, and every intersection I cross is a potential accident. I stomp on the brakes, sometimes pulling myself up to standing position so my whole body weight is pushing downward, and I only just manage to stop in time, a little farther out into the intersection than I should be, but not enough to be hit by crossing cars. Then I start driving again and the whole sequence repeats itself. I never actually arrive at a destination; sometimes I’m in a hurry, sometimes I’m just driving, but there’s never any question of stopping or calling someone else for a ride. There’s only driving, knowing my brakes are on the verge of giving out completely, hoping each time that I’ll somehow manage to get them to work. Fun, no?

Lately, my fevered brain has added a new variation to the failing brakes dream. In the new version, I’m driving on a curvy road, always at night, going just a little bit faster than I should for the curves. Every curve I round, I almost lose control of the car and just barely manage to pull out of the curve and keep going. Again, I’m just driving, with no notion of a destination in mind, and I keep coming at the curves too quickly, but never so fast that I can’t make it out at the last minute.

It doesn’t take a degree in psychiatry to parse these dreams: feeling out of control, summoning reserves of energy and stamina to make it through a stressful situation by the skin of my teeth – I’m stressed. Stressed and anxious. And I guess there are worse ways my mind could work through it. But I still hate those dreams. What form do your anxiety dreams take?

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Posted in sleep, trials and tribulations

Tempus Fugit

Posted on January 10, 2007 | Comments Off on Tempus Fugit

A friend who was staying with us over the weekend was asking me if my perception of time had changed since I quit my job to become a SAHM. If you’d asked me before the Hatchling’s arrival, I’d have thought that’s exactly what would have happened – the days would all blend together, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between Monday and Friday, blah, blah, blah. But I’ll tell you, if there’s one thing that’s going to make you feel the difference between the work week and the weekend, it’s being the stay-at-home parent. The clock hits 5, you better believe I’m watching the clock for Mr. Squab to get home. And weekends are when I’m not the sole caregiver during the day! Woot!

But where I have noticed some warping in my sense of time is in the passage of the months and seasons. For example, I’m having the devil of a time remembering that it’s January, that we’re in a new year. It just doesn’t compute, somehow. When I was working in corporate hell, the seasons passed, tantalizingly, outside the windows of my skyscraper. Sure, it was kind of cool to watch the snow falling from the 20th floor, or see the stormclouds gathering miles away. But my abiding response to the year passing was one of wishing I were “out there” in the weather, in the world – anywhere but facing another day in that damn cubicle. So maybe that accounts for the shift: now I can be “out there” whenever I want. There’s nothing the Hatchling loves more than being outside. Whatever the weather, as soon as we step out the door she smiles and sticks out her tongue, tasting the air delightedly. When the leaves are falling, we can go and catch them right then – no waiting until 5:00 or until this meeting is over or until the project is done. When the snow flies, we can stand in front of the window for hours if we want to, watching the flakes fall – and then go out and have a snowball fight or make snow ice cream or whatever. It’s, you know, pretty fucking awesome. Even when Mr. Squab doesn’t get off work on time.

In other news, the Hatchling had her 9 month well-baby check today, and what do you know, she is one well baby! 21 lbs, 11 oz (90th percentile), head circumference 46.4 cm (95th percentile), and height 29 1/2 inches (off the charts). I told the doctor that people often mistake her for a 1-year-old, and he was like, “Yeah, well, that’s because she’s the size of an average 1-year-old.” Pah. “Average.” As if.

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Posted in good times, updates