The category: drinks. Real drinks.
Squabby: Anything in a tiki mug. Lots of variety, free fruit/parasol/sword (or all of the above, if you’re lucky), and plus you can keep the mug! (Yes, I’m a sucker for these. You should see the cute panda tiki mug I have at home … no, maybe you shouldn’t.)
Squinny: A cosmopolitan. Classic, sophisticated, sassy. (Note: some squins may prefer martinis.)
Squotund: Single malt scotch. Neat. Why would you bother with anything else?