Updates of a Hatchling and other random stuff

1. You know what’s nice? Having friends who invite you over for dinner and make pulled pork, macaroni salad, baked beans, and fruit, followed up by homemade blueberry pie, all of which is so good it’s probably illegal in several states. YUM. (Thanks, Eric and Scott!)

2. Funny Hatchling story: so we’re having brunch with the sibs this last Sunday, and the Hatchling is playing on her own in the living room while the rest of us gorge on bacon and pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Mr. Squab, who is sitting where he can see the Hatchling, starts to chuckle. “What’s she doing?” I ask. “She’s pouring herself shots,” he says. We all turn around, and sure enough, she’s taken the cap from one of her bottles (which is shaped remarkably like a shot glass), set it on the coffee table, and is pouring out little tots of water from her water bottle into the “glass,” downing the shot like a seasoned pro, and then pouring herself another one. I swear to god, I don’t know where she gets it.

3. Toddler grammar is weird, and the Hatchling’s especially so. Like lots of little kids, she substitutes “me” for “I,” but she also tends to invert the usual subject-predicate order when she’s making requests or statements. “I want” comes out as “Want me”; instead of saying “I eat” or even “me eat” when she’s hungry, she says “Eat me.” (I know, I know.) There’s also “Up and down me” (when she wants to get down from the table or out of her crib), “Outside me,” “Book me” (when she wants you to read to her), or “Stuck me” (when she needs help getting out of or off of something). The emphasis is definitely on the “me,” and she adds in a little helping syllable between the predicate word and the “me,” so “I’m stuck” comes out sounding like “Stuck-a-ME” It’s the damndest thing I’ve ever heard, but she’s perfectly consistent about it and I guess it makes a weird kind of sense. I’m putting it down to her superfluity of Kraut blood. Stupid Prussians.

4. Mmmm … iPhones. The new ones look so very yummy. I think Mr. Squab and I will be getting some, as a combo Mother’s Day/Anniversary/Father’s Day present to ourselves.

5. And speaking of the anniversary: we went to a great Cuban restaurant for dinner where we ate delicious food and drank Red Stripe beer while sitting on the patio. We then went to see Indiana Jones 4, which – well, you know what I thought of that. You will be pleased to know that I did, in fact, wear underwear. As to whether or not I had to use my snakebite kit … a lady has to have SOME secrets, dammit.

6. Finally, and I can’t believe I almost forgot to blog this, today while running errands at Target someone mistook me for the Hatchling’s GRANDMOTHER. Admittedly, it was a grandmother herself doing the mistaking, so … maybe her eyesight wasn’t so good? And she felt terrible about it afterwards and kept apologizing and complimenting my hairdo (which is a total joke since I had literally not washed or combed my hair in two days), BUT STILL. Fuck. I either need to invest in some trendier clothing or start applying cover-up to my chronic under-eye bags or SOMETHING. Do I really look as tired as I feel? Y’all would tell me, right?

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