Monthly Archives: May 2009

Happiness is …

1.) Taking the kids on a nice walk to a fun family event in the beautiful morning weather.

2.) Getting to see a great movie, on opening weekend, in 3D, with your favorite date.

3.) Having friends who are big enough suckers to agree to watch both your 3 year old and your 2 month old while you attend said movie. And who are awesome enough to cope with an infant freak out and live to tell the tale. (It is soooooooo nice having friends with kids the same age as yours.)

4.) Enjoying an impromptu pizza on the patio in the backyard of said friends’ house, watching the kids run around wearing each other out while you enjoy a beer.

THAT is a good Saturday.

I write letters

Dear Teacher at the School Where Our Weekly Toddler Class Is Held,

If you see a harried-looking mother trying unsuccessfully to calm an infant who is screaming like her eyes are being stabbed out with red-hot pokers, it is perhaps not the ideal time to strike up a conversation with said mother about how cute the baby’s outfit is and you assume it’s a girl and what a lovely name! etc., because I DO NOT HAVE THE BRAIN SPACE to engage in social niceties while my baby girl is having a complete and total conniption fit. You absolute moron.

Warmest regards,

The Squab

I have no idea where she gets it

The Hatchling has been especially dramatic lately, because, well, she’s three and all, and everything is a big deal, for better or worse. A lot of the dramatics are real, by which I mean that she’s really feeling INCREDIBLY HAPPY or INCREDIBLY ANGRY or INCREDIBLY SAD about something, but she’s also started to do faux emotions as a kind of game or to get attention. Mostly, her father and I find this annoying and/or tiring, but sometimes it gives me the giggles.

This afternoon, for example, after we’d had a semi-exhausting trip to Target (“Want to get down, Mama? Get outta cart? Get DOWN, Mama? DOWN??? Want treat? I NEEDA treat! I NEEDAWANTA TREAT!!!!!!! etc.) she had finished lunch and it was getting close to naptime.

“Are you ready for naps, Boo?” her father asked.

“Nooooooooo, no, no, no, no.” the Hatchling explained.

“Ok, well, pretty soon it’s time to go upstairs for naps.”

The Hatchling starts spiraling around the living room, faux crying/whimpering. Because she’s so tired. And sad. And forlorn. And also tired and sad. Mr. Squab decided to cut his losses and play along.

“Awwwwww, are you so sad? Ready to go night-night?”

The Hatchling looks even more pitiful. “Okay, Daddy.”

“Then go give Mama hugs and kisses.”

The Hatchling approaches me with a faraway look on her face, embraces me, kisses me, and backs away slowly, sorrowfully. “Good-bye, Mama,” she intones, waving her hand as if it takes the last bit of strength she has, finally turning to drift up the staircase. It was like fucking Camille in the final throes of galluping consumption. Christ.

We can only hope that she channels this ability to lucrative ends at some future point. God knows it hasn’t worked for me yet.

Random Tidbits for the weekend

1. The Sprout has decided to try on being a fussy baby for the last two days. The mellow thing is SO last week. Apparently. This is not contributing to a positive mental state in her mama, who is finding herself really, really, really looking forward to being a mother of two girls about three years from now.*

2. It is (finally) a GORGEOUS spring day outside, and what’s more, I actually got out to enjoy it a little. Went to the plant store and got several nice perennials to put in the front yard, and a truckload of mulch. Was kicked out of the house to go on said errand by Mr. Squab on the theory that a little kid-free time amid flowers and sunshine would perk me up. And he was right, as he so often is.

3. I CANNOT BELIEVE that Adam Lambert didn’t win American Idol. WTF, America? Was it the eyeliner that put you off? Or the fact that he has more talent in his manicured pinky than you have in your whole vanilla bourgeois body? Feh.

4. I will soooooo be watching Glee this fall. Cheesy? Hell, yes, but I was a big-time choir kid in high school and it’s worth the cheese just for the trip down memory lane.

5. My 20th high school reunion is coming up this summer. How did THAT happen so fast? I keep getting requests to send my address to the organizers so they can send me the invitation. Which I guess I’ll do, since I don’t want to be anti-social, but y’all: there is NO WAY IN HELL I’m going to my 20th reunion. You don’t have to go to high school reunions if you’re still having the occasional anxiety dream about high school, right? That’s my stand and I’m sticking to it.

6. I have officially decided that I would like to travel back in time to when your average upper-middle class family had a baby nurse to help take care of the kids until they go off to school. Possibly boarding school. Depends on when you ask me. Just thought you’d want to know that it’s official.*

* It has been brought to my attention that I’ve tended, of late, to post updates that indicate a fairly stressed/depressed state of mind. Which, you’re damn right I’m stressed! But not at a worrisome level, in part because I have a blog to vent on. So not to fret.

What you can get out and what you can’t

Based on my personal experience in the last two days …

Things you can get out of the sofa fabric:
– Big black streaks of marker (thank you Crayola washable markers)
– Spit up
– Dorito “cheese”

Things that you CANNOT get out of a three-year-old’s hair after an outdoor playgroup:
– Dirt
– Tree seeds (those ones that look like rolled oats)
– Tiny pieces of mown grass
– Various seed pods

Seriously. I washed her hair for about 1/2 after we got home, and she still has miscellaneous yard detritus all over. Maybe next time I should scotchgard her ahead of time. It worked with the sofa.

Two Months Old

Dearest Sprout,
Well, you turned two months old on Thursday and I’m just getting to your monthly letter now. I’m guessing this is sort of the pattern with the second kid, and I hope you don’t feel lost in the shuffle. Right now a lot of your life is spent getting dragged around to your big sister’s activities. At some point you might object to this, but so far you’re remarkably accommodating about it. We hoist you in and out of your carseat, in and out of the sling, in and out of the stroller, and you sleep or look around or eat or, pretty rarely, fuss. I am in favor of this demeanor, so please keep it up. Thank you.

Pretty Baby

This is not to say that you’re not coming up with new tricks, however. This month you’ve added smiles and babbling to your repertoire, both of which are pretty awesome. Daddy is definitely your favorite person to communicate with – he gets the biggest grins and the longest chats – closely followed by your big sister and your other relatives, with me as a veeeerrrrrrry distant last. Which: WTF, kid? What am I, chopped liver? I only GREW you and BORE you and stuff. I mean, don’t feel obligated or anything.

Man, being a baby is hilarious

I really can’t complain, though, because the smiles and coos are pretty adorable even when they’re not directed at me. And you seem (knock wood) to have figured out your days and nights, so while we not getting tons of sleep, we are at least getting more than last month, and frankly, I’ll take what I can get.

Sisters

Tomorrow we’ll go get you weighed and measured and see how much you’ve grown since the two-week mark. No telling if you’ll be as off the charts as the Hatchling, but seeing as how you’re already in size two diapers and 3-6 month clothes I’m pretty sure you’ll get the stamp of approval. The nursing is going better too, so we’re mostly just using formula for when we’re out and about or if I have to leave you with Daddy for a meeting. This is especially nice at night, allowing me to nurse you without the lights on in a semi-conscious state. Mmmmm … semi-consciousness.

Chillaxin'

And that’s really about it for this month, kiddo. You’re doing everything you’re supposed to do. Oh, and also: You didn’t poop in my mouth this month! Which is awesome. So I think we’ll keep you. Now give me some smiles!

X-treem baby closeup

love,
Mama

Mother’s Day

Oof. It has been quite the week around here. Nothing terribly traumatic, but let’s just say the Hatchling has begun to embrace her three-ness with a vengeance. Highlights have included a massive poop-on-the-sofa incident and the spilling of an entire glass of iced tea all over the keyboard of my laptop. (which, incidentally, appears to be relatively unharmed except for how I can’t type a capital w. I love Macs!) Anyway, around about the time I was obsessively scouring the couch upholstery and wondering just which part of my graduate education prepared me for cleaning up shit, I thought maybe it would be appropriate to acknowledge some of the many, many incredible things my mothers have done for me. Here’s an abbreviated list:

  • read out loud to me incessantly
  • enthusiastically responded to all my accomplishments, major and minor
  • sewed everything from my Halloween costumes to curtains for my house to my wedding dress and all my bridesmaids dresses
  • professionally edited my school papers whenever requested
  • provided on-call medical advice and the occasional pharmaceuticals when needed
  • sat with me and held me as I labored with my first child
  • asked about my dissertation
  • didn’t ask about my dissertation
  • taught me how to cook and bake
  • faithfully attended all my performances, and sent me flowers for every opening night
  • made a welcoming home-base to return to from my travels
  • took me on amazing trips to Europe
  • spoiled your grandbabies rotten
  • and most of all, taught me the meaning of unconditional love

I can only hope to do so many things for my girls. Happy Mother’s Day!

The physics of porridge

This might be the best thing I’ve read on the internets all year:

The only way that the story can make sense is if, for some reason, the Mama Bear has the smallest portion of porridge. In which case, this is a story with a very different moral than the original– it’s a story about the oppression of the Mama Bear, either because the patriarchy is forcing her to eat only the scraps left behind after her husband and child have had their fill, or because the unhealthy woodland media culture has saddled her with a negative body image, leading to an eating disorder.

You really need to read the whole thing.

Comfort food posting

I know, I know: Where the hell have I been? What am I, blogger or a slacker? Well, mostly I’ve been trying to sleep, trying being the operative word. For example, here’s how nap time goes: put down the Sprout, put down the Hatchling, wash out the accumulated bottles from the morning/previous night, do a half-assed picking up of the kitchen. Start to get really sleepy, lie down on sofa, doze for 10 minutes, get up to put pacifier back in Sprout’s mouth, doze for 15 minutes, hear the cat making a racket right outside the Hatchling’s door (he does this on purpose), go get cat and shut gate to upstairs, lie down and doze for 15 minutes, get up to nurse Sprout, doze for 10 minutes, wake up to telemarketer phone call, curse all telemarketers, hide phone in sofa cushions, shut cat out on the back porch, put pacifier in Sprout’s mouth, take deep breath, lie down, doze for 20 minutes, and then the Hatchling wakes up.

Sounds restful, don’t it? I’d probably be better off not even trying to nap, but I’m too tired not to.

Anyhoo, I was all jazzed up for tonight because I was actually going to Go. Out. To A Bar. (!!!) Mr. Squab was going to watch the girls and I promised to be back before the Hatchling’s bedtime. It was going to be so awesome, seeing old friends and drinking, you know, the sweet, sweet booze. But then the Sprout decided that today was projectile vomiting day, and she participated with unusual vigor. She’s fine – no fever or anything and she seems to have settled down now – but I really didn’t think I could leave Mr. Squab at home with a hyperactive three-year-old and a barfing one-month-old. So no night out for me …

… which leads me to the comfort food, aka the real point of this post. Since I was home, and since we didn’t have any sweet treats in the house, I whipped up some chocolate pound cake from my mother’s recipe, and holy crap is it good. I frankly don’t really understand why anyone makes non-chocolate poundcake, unless it’s because you haven’t made it with this recipe. When I was little, we used to make my mom take the cake out early so it would fall a little bit and we could eat the extra dense, moist pieces – but have no fear, it’s plenty dense and moist even when it’s fully baked. We like it warm out of the oven with no adornment, but then I almost always frost it with cream cheese frosting once it’s cooled off. Anyway, it’s a simple recipe that makes crazy delicious cake, so try it out next time you have a yen for something yummy.

Chocolate Pound Cake
1/2 c. shortening
1 c. butter
2 3/4 c. sugar
5 eggs
3 c. flour
1/2 c. cocoa
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/4 c. milk
1 tsp. vanilla

Cream butter and shortening together. Slowly add sugar, then add eggs one at a time and beat until fluffy. Whisk flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt together, and add to shortening mixture alternately with milk and vanilla. Beat on medium for 2-3 minutes. Pour into greased and floured tube or bundt pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 1/4 – 1 1/2 hours. Try to restrain yourself from eating entire cake at one sitting.

Cream Cheese Icing
8 oz. cream cheese
1 stick butter
1 box powdered sugar
6 Tblsp cocoa
1 tsp vanilla

Whip it all together and slap it on the cake. Or eat it directly from the bowl, whichever.