How to drive your mamala over the edge in 10 simple steps

1. Wake up at 5:15 in the morning. Refuse to go back to bed.
2. Eat next to nothing for breakfast, so you’re both tired AND hungry.
3. Ask to go down for a nap at 9:30, stay quiet in your room just long enough to convince the mamala that you’re actually sleeping, then shatter those illusions after 25 minutes by shouting “MAAA! MAA! MAAAAA!” until she comes in and get you.
4. Refuse to get out of your crib so you can get dressed and changed like a normal person.
5. When the mamala decides it’s not worth fighting over and begins changing you in your crib, pee all over the sheets in the 1.5 seconds your butt is bare between diapers.
6. When the mamala takes you out of your crib to change the sheets, run into the bathroom (foolishly left open) and throw a highlighter into the toilet.
7. While the mamala is taking the highlighter out of the toilet, run into the sunroom and start playing with the container of screws and other choking hazards daddy has left on the desk.
8. When the mamala takes the choking hazards away from you, run BACK into the bathroom (still open) and start dumping Q-tips into the toilet.
9. Once the mamala has finally gotten a grip and closed the damn doors and brought you into her room while she gets dressed, somehow find a random cough drop from god knows where (under the bed? behind the lamp?) and try to eat it, wrapper and all.
10. Insist on going downstairs all by yourself, giving your mamala several strokes as you teeter and totter all the way down.

And that was just up to 10:30 am. I’m pretty sure the mamala is going to need a beer before the day is done.

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