The Man I Love

Mr. Squab spent some quality time with the Hatchling this morning playing with her various and sundry stuffed animals and babies. The Hatchling is still at that sweet stage where all her play is about how much her animals love each other, and most of her time is spent posing them in hugs and snuggles, and making them give each other professions of undying friendship and bonds of eternal brother- or sisterhood. Which Mr. Squab totally went along with, except a) he made all her animals sound like Ron Burgundy, and b) when he was “talking” to the other animals, he gave all the dialogue a lewd undertone that was too subtle to be picked up by the three-year-old but just about made me pee my pants laughing. Sample:

Hatchling (as stuffed frog): Gimme a hug, bear.

Mr. Squab (as Ron Burgundy bear): Ooh, yeah! I looooove hugs. I never had me a REPTILE* before. (Makes bear do writhy dance.)

Hatchling (innocently): Oh, nice hugs!

Mr. Squab: Hey, Sheep, want a BEAR HUG???

Me (prostrate with laughter): Oh, god, that is so inappropriate on SO MANY LEVELS.

*Yes, apparently Mr. Squab thinks that frogs are reptiles. He’s a graphic designer, people, not a biologist!

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