Monthly Archives: August 2006

Oral Retentive

Top ten non-food related things the Hatchling enjoys putting in her mouth (this week):

10. Keys – real, fake, whatever
9. Her own toes
8. The TV remote
7. My forehead/cheeks
6. The horns on her stuffed giraffe
5. Mr. Squab’s nose
4. My hands
3. The eyeballs of her stuffed frog
2. The trunk of her stuffed elephant
1. Both her fists. Preferably at the same time.

I should add that to say the Hatchling merely “puts these in her mouth” utterly fails to convey the absolute ferocity with which she crams the above items into her oral cavity. She doesn’t just chew on them; she ATTACKS them with every fiber of her small being.

Mrowf!

Heh

QuizGalaxy!
‘What will your obituary say?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

(thanks to Matt for the link)

Angels and Demons

Yesterday, the Hatchling took a glorious three hour nap in the afternoon, on top of a 70 minute nap in the morning. Rather than enjoying this unprecedented event, my inner demon came out and started bitching about how it would just be nice if I knew in advance that she was going to sleep that long so I could actually get something done instead of bolting down my lunch and frantically reading magazine articles while watching the clock in the anticipation of hearing wails over the nursery monitor at any minute. But then my inner angel rose up and smited the crap out of my inner demon with her fiery sword, saying “You stupid git! You just had three hours of child-free time! You’re looking so far into the gift horse’s mouth you’re about to come out its ass!”

This, of course, was the correct point of view. Which has been brought home to me vividly today, as the Hatchling is on a nap strike and will not stay down for longer than 20 minutes, after which she gets up and is totally pissed off that I got her out of her crib when she’s still so damn tired!!

This parenting shit is not for the faint of heart, I tell you what.

Read ’ems

Three links for your delectation:

Twisty has an AWESOME post about female “empowerment.”

Shakes Sis wrote a really delightful short story about an unusual friendship.

Ask Moxie has a great set of recommendations on parenting books – what to get, and what to avoid. Wish I’d seen this advice when I was still pregs!

Reason #8,293,564 why I’m glad I’m insured with progressive doctors

Did you hear that Ortho-McNeil, one of the largest makers of birth control products like the pill and the patch, has just hiked its prices by 1800%?

No one much noticed, but thousands of family-planning clinics across the country went into a tailspin last month. They were reacting to a drastic price increase by Ortho-McNeil, a major supplier of birth-control pills and maker of the popular contraceptive patch. The company used to charge publicly funded clinics as little as a penny a pack for the pills. Then, as of July 1, the price of some pills jumped to more than $18 a pack. Ortho’s move was apparently legal under federal pricing rules. But it’s anybody’s guess as to why the company chose to do this now, without giving the clinics any real notice.

No one much noticed, indeed. Why hasn’t this been getting major coverage? Oh, wait – because it only affects low-income women. Duh.

More lazy blogging

You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it’s served to you, you’ll at least try it.
People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they’re addicted!

(via Brazen Hussy, who is also fish)

Quotetastic

Seen at the Clutter Museum. Go here and pick out 5 random quotes that reflect some aspect of who you are. Here are mine:

Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense.
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Carl Sagan (1934 – 1996)

Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
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William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616), “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
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Euripides (484 BC – 406 BC), Alexander

Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
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Ogden Nash (1902 – 1971), “Reflections on Ice-Breaking”

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
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Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)

Long Tall Sally

The Hatchling had her 4 month check-up today. I was a wee tad apprehensive about the visit, since last time she FREAKED OUT about her shots, resulting in me inadvertenly spraying milk all over the pediatrician’s office in my efforts to nurse her back to sanity. But she was amazingly low key about the whole thing. My eight-year-old nephew came along for the ride, so he entertained her in the back seat on the way there and back (and if there’s anything cuter than an 8 year old entertaining a 4 month old, I’d like to know what it is) and she withstood the weighing, measuring, and prodding with great equanimity. When the shots came, she did cry – I mean, who wouldn’t? Relative to her total body mass, those needles are HUGE – but she calmed down as soon as I picked her up, nursed contentedly for about 10 minutes, and then sat happily in her carseat while her cousin made faces and noises at her all the way home. (His assessment: “she’s like a tiny-toed, cross-eyed, fuzzy-headed elf.”) In addition, we discovered that the Hatchling is:

– in the 70th percentile for head circumference;

– in the 75th percentile for weight;

– and in the 97th percentile for length.

Ninety-seventh percentile for length! That is one long baby.

4 Months Old

Dearest Hatchling,

Friday you turned four months old. Your daddy and I had brought you up to Grandma and Grampa’s house so they could watch you while we went to a wedding, so it was a busy weekend. I think your grampa had his hands full with you (evidence: he put your diaper on backwards), but the mere fact that we could make such a trip shows how you’ve grown over the past month. I used to think that there was a vast right-wing conspiracy among experienced parents to hide how much the first three months of baby rearing can SUCK IT UP, but now I’m beginning to suspect that the months that come after are good enough to make people forget the hell that comes before.

Smirk

Because you’re getting so fun now! It’s like your little mind is waking up and you’re just noticing more of the world. Bright colors and lights fascinate you, as do your own fingers and toes. In fact, they fascinate you so much that I’ve developed a new theory of child development: I think the first year of being a baby is probably like being on a major trip from some killer weed. Sure, there are the occasional moments of paranoia (“Where the hell have my keepers gone? What the hell is going on!?!”) but mostly it’s just, like, whoooooaaaaa, dude. HANDS. And then you get major munchies and need some boob.

Mmmmm, yummy elephant

Being so fascinated with the world makes it much easier to keep you entertained. I mean, you can actually ride in your carseat now for over ten minutes without screaming! Even when you’re awake! This is major stuff, kid. You’re not so big on lying down these days, but if you can sit or stand and look around you’re good to go. You’re also getting smilier and smilier with each passing day, and you’ll flash those gums at just about anyone (random old guy on the sidewalk) or anything (the striped curtains in the living room) that tickles your funny bone.

So many toys!

What’s even more amazing about this transformation is that it’s happening in the face of some hurdles. Apparently no one told you that babies aren’t supposed to teeth or get separation anxiety until around month 6, because you’ve gone ahead and started both things now. Oh, your gums hurt so much sometimes! You chomp on your little fists or our fingers as if your life depended on it, and drool like it’s your personal mission to coat the world in viscous baby saliva. Tylenol and Anbesol help a lot, but you still end up being manic depressive baby some days – giving us huge grins one moment and making the saddest face ever the next. We sure will be happy when those little buds start pushing through.

Mmm, hands are tasty

The separation anxiety is a little rough, too. You used to be so good about letting your hordes of adoring relatives and friends hold you and play with you, but alas, no longer. You’ll still go to other people, but you need a half an hour to warm up to them, and even then it still helps if you can see me in the room. Woe betide the well-meaning person who greets you by getting right up in your face and saying hello or blowing a raspberry at you: they’re more likely to get a storm of insta-screams than one of your killer smiles. This makes it a little more heartrending for us to leave you with babysitters, but we keep doing it just the same, in hopes that you’ll eventually figure out that other people are not necessarily the devil.

Must be nap time

But really, these are just small obstacles to navigating through your little baby world. Every day you’re more and more engaged with the people and things around you, and every week you learn a new trick or find a new talent. Best of all, and I hesitate to even mention this for fear of jinxing it, you’re starting to sleep like a real person. This last week you’ve actually taken a 90 minute nap every morning, and another one most afternoons. You can even soothe yourself back to sleep sometimes when you wake up at night. Honestly, for a while there I thought you were going to go all Einstein on us and only ever sleep in 40 minute increments for the rest of your life. Maybe this new pattern means you’ll never resolve any major questions in quantum physics, but frankly I’m willing to sacrifice any potential Nobels for a good night’s sleep. Let’s make it a date, shall we?

She likes it

Love,
Mamala

By any other name

One of the things we got the most compliments on when the Hatchling was born was her name: Eleanor Johanna. It is a pretty one, and while my southern relatives were quick to point out that the perfect nickname for her would be Ellie Jo, there are also lots of less redneck nicknames for her (Nellie, Ellie, Nora, etc.) and in fact that’s one of the reasons we picked that name. There’s only one problem: I rarely use any variant of the Hatchling’s actual name when I’m talking to or about her. Mr. Squab has been giving me crap that she won’t even know her own name because I’m always calling her something different. In my defense, this is something of a family habit, but I admit I’ve taken it to something of an extreme. Here’s a list of names I regularly call her:

Stanley
Bobbie Jo
Hinky
Baby Doll
Fussbudget
Stinky
Scoobers
Drooly Julie
Hoose Foose
Stinkpot
Crankypants
Sweetest
Honey Pie
Baby Girl
Doodle Bug
Snickerdoodle
Squablet

And I’m sure there are some I’m forgetting. Does anyone else have this problem? What nicknames do you use on your kids? Or, conversely, what were you called when you were little?