The image of grace and dignity

You know what makes an outing to the park on an absolutely lovely spring day somewhat LESS enjoyable? When your nearly-three-year-old makes one of her patented breaks for freedom combined with an attempt to steal another kid’s ball, thereby making it necessary for you to leap up, nursing baby still attached to your left boob, yelling COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW and mouthing “I’m so sorry” to the other kid’s mom, at which point the baby comes unattached, leaving your boob right out there for the whole park to see.

Not that I’m particularly modest or anything. But still. It’s a little wearing.

One Month Old

Dearest Sprout,
Holy hannah, I cannot believe that it’s already been one month since we welcomed you into the world! I’m going to do my best to write you monthly letters for the first year, just like I did for your big sister, but let me apologize in advance if I don’t make it every month. I had no idea how EASY it was with only one kid until I had two.

Sister worship

I must say that, overall, your birth was a lot more relaxing than your sister’s. Sure, you came two days early, but you timed it for when our doctor was on call and Daddy was already off work, so we can’t really complain. My, but you were (are) a big baby, though! Almost three whole pounds bigger than your sister was. Way to raise the level of competition from the get go. It took the medical team quite some time to get you out, even with the C-section, and there was an audible reaction to your size as soon as everyone laid eyes on you. “Oh, that one’s at LEAST 5 pounds,” joked the nurse anaesthetist, and then everyone started laying odds on how big you really were. (The OR nurse called exactly at 10 pounds, 5 ounces.) You dwarfed the other babies in the nursery, and wowed all your visitors with vivid impressions of a grumpy sumo wrestler.

Freshly hatched

So: one month seems to be treating you pretty well, though as I recall it’s the second month that started getting rough last time, so don’t think you’re off the hook or anything! So far you’re an amazingly mellow and sweet little babysquab, happy to sleep and eat and stare around, only crying when you’re hungry or gassy or way past needing a new diaper. To say that your place of residence is a little more chaotic than when your sister was a month old would be a vast understatement, but happily you’ve taken it all in stride, snoozing away while the Hatchling shrieks or dances or pitches fits in the background.

Three Robinson Women

On the one hand, I feel bad that you’ll never get the exclusive, undivided attention that your sister got when she was your age. On the other hand, I’m much more relaxed about my ability to parent you, so the attention you are getting is probably less likely to send you into therapy in later years. It all comes out in the wash, right?

Soooo sleepy

Already this month, you’ve tackled learning how to nurse (still working on that one), getting a bath (hated the first one, loved the second one), getting your nights and days mixed up (you could stop that now, if you wanted), and, oh yes, shooting poop into your mama’s face. You’ve been busy! As for the rest of us, we’ve been pretty busy, too, adjusting to this new addition to the household. I can say pretty confidently that all four of us are pretty tired and overwhelmed, working on getting more sleep and settling into a more normal routine. But the most important thing, as your father observed the day we brought you home from the hospital, is that “our family feels complete now.” Thanks for completing us, baby girl. Now quit pooping in my face.

She's either concentrating, or DARING you to mess with her

love,
Mama

There are good moments

Today, I was changing the Sprout’s diaper and the Hatchling came up behind me to watch.

“Oh. POOOOP,” she observed knowledgeably.

“Yep, I’m changing the baby’s diaper. Gotta get that poop off her butt.”

The Hatchling patted me on the back approvingly, and then asked, “Scwatchy back?”

“Sure!” I said, “I love having my back scratched.”

A brief but pleasurable back scratching occurred; then the Hatchling noticed the Sprout’s old diaper, wrapped up and sitting on the arm of the sofa.

“Oh! I take-a diaper, frow in garbage,” she said helpfully, and proceeded to do just that.

“Thank you, honey!” I said, “that was very, very helpful!”

“OK,” the Hatchling said. You know, like: no big deal, mom.

Those big-sister instincts are definitely kicking in.

I write letters

Dear Sprout,
For your information, the hours between 2 and 5 am are generally considered ideal for SLEEPING, unless you are an owl, a bat, or a college student. As you do not fall into any of these categories, it would be greatly appreciated if you would desist from your nocturnal wakefulness. We enjoy hanging out with you, but if you don’t let us get some sleep we may have to consider selling you to the highest bidder.

Sincerely,
your exhausted parents

Seriously?

The Sprout is (knock wood, throw salt over shoulder, sacrifice to the gods, etc.) an extremely mellow and easy going baby, which is a good thing considering the major conniption fits her older sister is giving me lately, but last night she got me but good in a manner that demanded to be blogged:

So all the houseguests have gone to bed, the Hatchling has finally quieted down and gone to sleep, and it’s just me and Mr. Squab waiting for the Sprout to settle down so we can go to sleep. I figure I’ll change her diaper so she’ll feel all nice and clean, so I put her down on the sofa and get started. She’s had a terrible diaper rash so once the, um, area is all prepared, I get some ointment out and lean in to make sure I apply it in all the correct places. I’ve applied maybe 1/2 of the salve when the Sprout … well, I’m not sure what to call what she did. Projectile shitting? A shart? The unholy marriage of gas and excrement? You get the idea. Did I mention how I was leaning in at the time? Yeah. You don’t know from bad parenting moments until your infant child has SHOT LIQUID POOP ALL OVER YOUR FACE. And yes, my mouth was open, since you ask. “Thank god you had your glasses on,” was Mr. Squab’s response (after running into the kitchen to get paper towels and water to help me clean up).

I tell you what, there is no way to prepare for something like that. But you can be damn sure I’m keeping my distance in all future ointment applying situations.

Still here

Whew – sorry for leaving that depressing blog post up for so long. I have to say, you guys leave some damn good comments. Most of the ones to the last post made me cry, sure, but they were tears of being understood and supported, you know? I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole feeding issue and hierarchies of motherhood in general, and there’s a blog post on that a-coming, but probably not for a bit. (I feel a little odd asking Mr. Squab to go on double kid duty so I can blog.) We’re getting into a workable rhythm with the newly expanded family, so now if we can just win the lottery so Mr. Squab doesn’t have to go back to work everything will be fine! Y’all let me know if you have any tips for that. Mr. Squab goes back to work on Monday; I have various relatives in town until April 8th to help make the transition, for which I am BEYOND grateful, but ooooooh I still wish we lived in a world where Mr. Squab got three months of paternity leave. Or, like, a year of paternity leave. Or that winning lottery thing. Do you think he could get transferred to France or some Scandinavian country before Monday?

Kids = Stress, Parenting = Anxiety

OK. So, we’re back home and starting the process of getting used to being a family of four. The good stuff: I totally missed the Hatchling (and the feeling was definitely mutual) so it’s been good to be back at home and get some snuggle time with my first baby. Baby 2.0 – let’s call her Sprout, shall we? – is (so far) an extremely mellow baby, sleeping like a champ, only cries when she’s hungry or needs her diaper changed, and is generally a very sweet little girl. The weather is getting warmer, we have lovely friends and relatives bringing us food and helping us out – I mean, objectively speaking, things are going pretty well.

So why do I feel like such a basket case? OK, some of it is post-partum hormones. Seriously, I could weep at the drop of a hat these days. It’s annoying. And some of it is cumulative lack of sleep and the whole recovering from major surgery thing. But also, Sprout is having some eating problems and it’s kind of making me want to stab my eyes out with a fork. Those of you who’ve been reading this blog since the early days will remember that the Hatchling had myriad problems on the nursing front, starting with being tongue tied and compounded by my low milk-supply and other fun. We had to supplement her with formula from the get-go and never managed to get her completely on the breast, though we did get into a decent groove with it and I nursed her until she was 14 months old. I had a lot of friends who had similar difficulties getting started with breastfeeding, and many of them had it much easier the second time around – copious milk supply, easy nursing, etc. And I had convinced myself that I’d be the same – you know, I put in my time in with the first one, this one would be easy sailing!

I should have known better. Now, Sprout isn’t tongue-tied, and she knows how to nurse. But she is also an extremely big baby, and my supply is not keeping pace with her dietary needs. So we’re supplementing again, which feels like failure. Sometimes she gets so mad that the milk isn’t coming out fast enough that she won’t even nurse. When I had to resort to putting droppers full of formula on my boobs while nursing so she’d keep sucking – something we had to do with the Hatchling – it REALLY felt like failure. Sprout had her first doctor’s appointment today, and she’s not gained any weight, so the doctor says we need to supplement even more, which at this point I’d be happy to do, only for the last day and a half she’s been so sleepy it’s hard to get her to eat anything at ALL. At a rational level (not a place I’m having an easy time getting to today) I know that this is something that we’ll work out, we’ll get past it, if I can’t nurse her it’s not the end of the world, etc., etc. But it’s driving me nuts. I’m not enjoying the really excellent baby she is because I’m feeling so bad about not being able to feed her. (Also feeling bad about: the upheaval to the Hatchling’s life; being a basket case all the time; not drinking enough water – yeah, we’ve hit absurd levels.) I HATE that I feel like a failure for the nursing not coming easily. I hate how much it will bother me if I end up not being able to nurse Sprout. I hate that I’m feeling so anxious when I really thought that the anxiety would be better this time around – when it SHOULD be better this time around. I hate that I’m already projecting that things will always suck when chances are that next week or even tomorrow I’ll probably feel much better. Argh. I also hate that I can’t write a more engaging damn blog post. OK. Sorry for the venting. Here are the positive things I’m trying to focus on when I feel fail-ey:

1. Look, she’s really damn cute, OK? I mean, she is a Very. Cute. Baby.
2. Having had feeding problems before, we’re at least prepared with all the techniques, so I have some idea what to do in response.
3. The Hatchling is being a total trouper even though all this is clearly stressing her out.
4. Mr. Squab continues to be a tower of strength.
5. This baby actually sleeps in the car, something the Hatchling never quite grasped.
6. My mother-in-law is here, cooking and taking care of us, and she brought a huge batch of my favorite molasses cookies with her, one of which I am going to go eat.

Just … remind me to focus on this list, ok?

Robinson 2.0

Elise and I are happy to announce Sylvia Charlotte Robinson to the world. She was born on Saturday March 14 at 9:36am, coming in at a whopping 10 lbs 5oz and 21 inches long. Mom and baby are doing very well, Ellie and I are doing our best to keep up. Posting will be light until Squab gets back up to speed.

Right. A little early, then.

OK, so these are definitely contractions. Finally called the docs at around 5:30am and they said to come in. Looks like this little one wants to get here a couple of days early. OF COURSE. On-call sister is on her way over to the house and as soon as she gets here we’re heading to the hospital. We’ll keep you posted (if you’re on facebook, check there for more prompt updates).

The Final Countdown: T minus 2 days

1. The headcold rages unabated. In retrospect, purchasing stock in Kleenex about three months ago would have been a good move.

2. To be honest, if anyone said the phrase “the power of positive thinking” to me right now I would probably kick them in the nards, but there *are* some things making me happy right now, namely:
a) my new spring purse, courtesy Questionable. (The one on the left.) It is so springy and stripy. It defies the weather.
b) It’s supposed to be almost SIXTY degrees on Monday! Sure, I’ll be drugged up and in the hospital the whole day, but still!
c) Tonight, the Hatchling, after commanding her father to sit next to her on the sofa, sidled up to him, batted her eyelashes and said “Hey, baby.”

3. I think I might be having the occasional contraction, mostly in the evenings the last three days. I say “I think” because I don’t actually know what normal contractions or Braxton Hicks feel like. When the Hatchling was born, I had nothing in the way of contractions until I was induced, and lemme tell ya, Pitocin-contractions are undeniable. You KNOW you are having one of those. And then you KNOW you are getting an epidural. But this – it just feels kind of like a tightening, sometimes verging on crampy, not lasting or regular, just sort of unsettling and a pain in the ass. Or thereabouts. Thoughts from readers who’ve done this the natural way before? I go in for a regular monitoring appointment tomorrow so I’m sure they’ll pick up on it if anything is going on.