Things that have been cancelled in the past five days due to the illness of one family member or another:
- Playdate to maintain sanity on school day off.
- Ballet lesson.
- Any errands to any store that don’t involve buying juice or ibuprofen or decongestants or cough medicine or …
- Playdate to maintain sanity on MLK day.
- Chad going to work this morning.
- Me going to a yearly ladies’ night out this evening.
I don’t even know why I MAKE plans this time of the year. I think the high – THE HIGH – today was zero degrees fahrenheit. The only reason I left the house at all was a) prior to this morning, I had not stepped outside for four days running, and b) it was the only way to have four glorious child-free hours.
On the plus side, I myself am not sick. Yet. And I showered, so at least I’m clean. And … lessee … I made pumpkin bread last night, and we have a house with a functional heater. Also I don’t have leprosy and the sky isn’t raining blood. THINK POSITIVE.
Nice try with the rain and all, but I still hate you. Next time try some free first-class tickets to Belize.
Dear Idiots Out on the Lake Calhoun Ice,
Are you OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS? It rained all last night. It’s still above freezing today. There are large swaths of melty patches all around the lake surface. You really think it’s a good idea to hang out on the ice with your shitty collapsible chair and nothing but a bargain-bin parka to protect your ass? Really?! Well, don’t come bitching to me when you fall in and die of hypothermia. IT’S NO MORE THAN YOU DESERVE.
OK I don’t really want you to die but COME ON,
Dear Brain Chemicals,
AGAIN with the seasonally affected depression? Can we not move past this phase? I mean, winter blues are so early millennium. Plus, it’s hard to get anything done from a recumbent and/or fetal position on the sofa. Start a new trend.
Dear Oscar voters,
You guys, I haven’t even SEEN Argo yet and I know Ben Affleck was robbed. Ditto Kathyrn Bigelow, you misogynist douchebags. Nice job on Silver Linings Playbook, tho.
Now send me some best picture screeners, dammit,
It’s my ASS that’s bigger, and possibly my tits. My arms continue to be normal human length. Please take note.
Actually, “Because I have a lot of homework that has to get done” is NOT generally considered a valid excuse for leaving a 3-hour class 2 hours early. Particularly when you haven’t been exactly awesome about completing the homework for MY class. If you were expecting points for honesty, think again.
I mean really,
If anyone else ignored me so repeatedly, despite all my best efforts, I would totally leave their asses in the dust. But I just can’t quit you, baby. Maybe next time you’ll gimme some of that sweet financial sugar I want so bad.