I thought, when I was contemplating gestation the secomd time around, that it would be easier. You know, I’ve done it before, I have some idea of how my body responds to it, I know what to expect when I’m expecting, etc., etc. Surely, this time would be at least a LITTLE less fraught with anxiety.
Oh, what a fool I was.
Turns out, to the surprise, I’m sure, of exactly no one who knows me, that my ability to angst about something completely trumps any past experience with it. And pregnancy, which floods your brain with teh crazy ANYWAY, is, like, custom designed for me to worry about. Right now, for example, I’m convinced I’m having another molar pregnancy. (For you new readers, I had one of those before I had the Hatchling, which you can read about here.) My rationale for this belief? (Or “rationale?”) Simple, really: I had some spotting earlier this week (actually pretty normal in the 1st trimester), I’ve been INCREDIBLY nauseated (ditto), and the universe hates me (see: teh crazy). Now, because I’ve had a molar pregnancy in the past, I’m actually slated to get an ultrasound when I go in for my initial doctor’s visit on the 4th. I’ll be 7+ weeks at that point, so they can probably detect a heartbeat and they can certainly rule out a molar pregnancy. This is good, because the nausea plus the anxiety have pretty much made me a wreck this week. Just last night I had to cancel on a dinner date with some girlfriends that I was REALLY looking forward to, because I was at a point where even thinking about food made me want to hurl. Where’s the fun in that?
One thing that’s been handy is the archives of this blog. I was checking some of my earliest posts to see if I was really feeling sicker than last time, and of course I wasn’t – I’d just forgotten, in the way that you do forget things like how much pregnancy and labor SUCK ASS, because if you didn’t forget a little the human race would have died out sometime around the lifespan of Lucy. So it’s good that I catalogued it all for reference this time around; but I’m still going to be a lot happier once I can get those ultrasound results. Feh.