Tag Archives: first trimester

Man, I hate days like today. Today’s badness actually started last night, when I realized that not only would I have to renege on my offer to watch J’s daughter this morning, but I’d have to ask J to watch the Hatchling so I could attend an orientation meeting for my new job (that they told me about 36 hours in advance, because, you know, why would you need more notice than that?). So I started off the day feeling like a schmuck, which is nice, and then I had to drag the Hatchling to an appointment with my OB so I could get a prescription for a different nausea medicine that will maybe work better than the current one. I don’t love taking the Hatchling with me to the doctor, but she was extremely well-behaved once she realized that we weren’t going to HER doctor, and no one was going to try and give her a shot. Only then they took my blood pressure, as they’re wont to do, and it was 218/96. No, you didn’t read that wrong. TWO HUNDRED EIGHTEEN. I just … I kind of didn’t even think your blood pressure could even GO that high. I had some high BP readings while I was pregnant with the Hatchling, which they monitored pretty carefully, but never THAT high, and as the pregnancy progressed my readings got back down into the normal range and it ended up not being a problem. 218/96, however, is a problem. So my Nurse Practitioner kind of freaked out, in her very low-key and supportive way, and retook the BP, and it was 178/110. WHICH IS NOT REALLY BETTER. And I just feel like: FUCK! You know? Why can’t my body just DO this? Why does pregnancy have to throw me for such a goddamn loop? I really, really, really hate this. It doesn’t help that I feel like this should have been preventable, and if I were just better about exercising or had lost some weight (yes, that demon is quick to rear its ugly head) then I wouldn’t have to be dealing with this. Which may or may not be true, but either way is water under the bridge and no help at all. And of course I spent the whole day stressing out about my BP, and trying to calm myself down from stressing out about it, because hello! stress just MAKES IT WORSE, and then I had a total breakdown when Mr. Squab got home, which he just LOVES, as you can imagine.

Yah. Good times. So tonight we went to the pharmacy to fill my new, expensive, oddly prohibited nausea scrip (the insurance co. only lets you get 12 pills at a time, for some unknown reason). And then we got me a home BP monitor, so I can keep track of it, and tomorrow I have to make an appointment with my internist so they can decide if I need to go on medication. (Since tonight’s reading was 206/120, I’m gonna guess that chances are good that I’ll be filling another scrip shortly.) ALL OF WHICH SUCKS.

I was really, really hoping that this time around would be easier. Guess that’s not how my fetuses (fetii?) roll. All I can say is, they better be the EASIEST TEENAGERS EVER, or we are going to have WORDS.

Look, howsabout I just repost this? It’s pretty much exactly what I’d write today, anyway. Only moreso.

Nausea medicine is a Good Thing. The stuff I’m on, Reclan, while it doesn’t make me feel *completely* normal, still has gotten me back to functionality, which is wonderful. I was talking to my sister about this (she has a new blog! Go read! Maybe then she will post more!) and we were trying to figure out why the hell I didn’t get on medicine the last time around, and equally, why the hell it took her several months to get on the meds herself. Some of it, no doubt, is due to the diffidence on the part of OBs everywhere towards prescribing unnecessary meds in the first trimester. Which, OK. I get that. But let me be the first to tell you: this shit is NECESSARY for some of us. I think last time I wasn’t clear enough about just how sick I was, because this time I basically went in and said: I’m so nauseated I can’t function. Give me some meds. And I got some, easy as that. But ALSO, I Blame the Patriarchy. By which I mean, the whole screwed up culture around pregnancy and childbirth and what’s “normal” and “natural” etc., etc. Both sis and I agreed that if we heard ONE MORE person tell us “oh, the sicker you are the healthier the baby is!” we were going to SPEW ALL OVER THEIR FEET. I mean, that may be true and everything, but WTF? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Like, oh, well, if it means that the baby is healthy then I don’t even MIND not being able to care for my 2 year old – in fact I’d do a little dance of joy if I could, you know, get up off the couch and/or stop feeling like crawling into a corner and dying. I mean, come the hell on. And all those books and websites that wax lyrical about how “natural” all these hellish symptoms are. Again, like that’s going to make you feel better. Well, let me be the first to say FUCK THAT. Lots of things are “natural” – stomach flu, the bubonic plague, and ebola come to mind – but you’re not going to frown on someone for treating THOSE symptoms. As my sister said, the baby is still getting the benefit of all those hormones, but with the medicine they can have those benefits without making me feel like life is overrated. Ergo: Good Thing. Q.E.D.

However, that being said, I do have to take issue with the universe for one thing about these anti-nausea meds: almost all of them have constipation as their main side-effect. Which is funny (really, can’t you hear me laughing?) because pregnancy also has that as a main side-effect, and even MORE hilariously, you know what, besides pregnancy, makes you feel nauseated? CONSTIPATION. Christ. So I’ve started taking a fiber pill every time I take an anti-nausea pill, and eating cereals so crammed with bran that I may start neighing and jumping fences any minute now. I’m also wearing my fancy acupressure bracelet at night instead of taking pills, just to give my system a break. This probably sounds like a lot of hassle, and indeed it is, but it’s so much better being less sick, I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

However, this baby better be a damn good one.

I swear, this time the nausea is worse than before. I have up days and down days, and it’s worse in the mornings, but y’all: I am siiiiiiiiiiiiiick. Lawsy. Today was a bad day: I didn’t even get out of my PJs until like 4:30 and all I wanted to do was lie on the sofa and moan. I kept trying to force myself to eat *something,* knowing that it would probably make me feel better, but it’s hard to make yourself eat when the thought of food makes you sick. The worst of it all is feeling like such a horrible mother. I don’t even want to think about how much TV we watched today. The Hatchling had to wait until Mr. Squab got home to even go outside – it’s perishingly hot today and I just. Could not. Take it. I tried to play with her as much as I could; we read a bunch of stories and did some watercolors … but I still burst into tears as soon as Mr. Squab walked in the door and sobbed on his chest about what a bad mom I am. Fucking pregnancy hormones. I HATE this. I love my daughter more than I can even express, and I will be so very happy to have another kid, but whoever is in charge of this women-suffering-through-pregnancy nonsense had better watch out because if I meet him on the street I will HUNT HIM DOWN AND KILL HIM.