When I assume my rightful place as queen of the universe

Things that will be banned:
1. Leaf blowers – man, do I hate those things. They make a noise just like a dentist’s drill.
2. Asshole drivers who cut in front of me in the parking lot and take my space.
3. 98% of network TV.
4. Vehicles with insanely loud bass speakers. I don’t care if you want it loud inside the car, but why does it have to be loud outside?
5. The Bush administration.

Things that will be mandated:
1. Personal masseuses or masseurs.
2. Cheap, decent beer.
3. Two-month vacations for everyone.
4. 1000% pay raises for K-12 teachers.
5. Endless funding for public art.

What’s on your list?

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