Monthly Archives: October 2006

Je Presente

I mean, seriously. Has there ever BEEN a cuter Halloween frog?

Cutest frog EVAR

No. No, there has not.

Flaunting it

Autumn is my favoritefavoritefavorite season. It’s tragically short here in Minnesota, which really makes you want to squeeze the joy out of every nice day you get. In academic life, through grad school and adjuncting, I could always make time for a stroll in the woods or coffee outside at my favorite cafe – some little thing to cherish the fading year. Then I started – reluctantly – working in the corporate world, and nice autumn days were just one more way for fate to mock me.

Being a SAHM isn’t always a walk in the park, but it beats being a cubicle jockey by a marathon’s worth of miles, and one of the reasons is that it’s given me back my autumn. This has been an unseasonably cold October, but the past week has had a couple of really glorious days. On one of them, P and I took our babies to the Peace Park at Lake Harriet where a new statue was being dedicated. There were Japanese drummers, a cheesy folk singer, and loads and loads of paper cranes. The sun was shining, the park was full of bleeding heart post-hippie tree-huggers, and the babies dozed happily to the cacophonous sounds of the Taiko drums. Then, today, the Hatchling and I had to run an errand near a little shopping district in Edina, so we took the opportunity to take a stroll around the neighborhood, stopping for coffee (me) and wee crumbs of scone (the Hatchling) at the local coffee shop. We sat outside and watched the cars go by, and people stopped to tell me how adorable the Hatchling is, and we soaked up the autumn sun like vitamin D-deficient flowers. And I thought to myself, This is the good stuff. I hope I never take it for granted.

Xtreem Xmas

Wanna know the reason I haven’t been posting so much this week? Because, and I’m not even lying, I’ve been working on the Hatchling’s Christmas list. I know it’s (as the cute overload gals would say) tewtelly redonkulous, but my family takes Chrismas VERY SERIOUSLY. We start putting our lists together in early October, after the creation of the yearly sibling gift-giving matrix. Yeah, that’s right. I said matrix. We open our presents on Christmas morning, like god intended, and woe betide the child who goes into the living room to spy the Santa presents before everyone is up. Of course, no one would do that anyway, because then you’d miss reading the letter from Santa, written in response to the one we leave him every year with his milk (or scotch) and cookies. Did I mention that we’re all over 25? The proceedings can be a bit intimidating for newcomers to the family, but after you get used to it, it’s actually pretty fun. It being the Hatchling’s first Christmas and all, I figure people are going to go insane with the gifts anyway, so why not give them the appropriate tool with which to do so? Plus, I’m just a tad on the nerdy-obsessive side when it comes to list-making. Ahem. So anyway, after a week’s worth of work, I’ve crafted a veritable color catalog of wishlists. There are pictures of every item, and both pictures and text link to online sites where said items can be purchased. There are options at every price range, and the gifts run the gamut from the practical to the purely whimsical. The whole thing is in PDF form, of course, for maximum accessibility. Really, it’s a thing of beauty. Now I just need to start on my own.

Stats

The Hatchling’s 6-month checkup was this afternoon, and it appears that we’ve given birth to a small sumo wrestler.

Head circumference: 43.5 cm (90th percentile)

Weight: 18 lbs, 6 oz (90th percentile)

Height: 28 inches (97th percentile)

OK, make that a small WNBA player. Either way, we look forward to living on the endorsement royalties in our golden years.

My daughter, Bill the Cat

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So I don’t know if it’s the new teeth or what, but as of yesterday the Hatchling is channeling either Gene Simmons or Bill the Cat whenever she smiles. And since she’s a pretty smiley baby, the results are hilarious. You look at her, she smiles, and out comes the tongue. She’s also taken to making lots of “phbbt” and “ack” noises. The spitting is especially enjoyable when she’s just taken a big bite of sweet potatoes. Now if we can just get her to make the universal “rock and roll” fist we’d have a killer Halloween costume.

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Six Months Old

Dearest Hatchling,

Good god! Yesterday you turned 6 months old. How the hell did THAT happen? You’ve already been around for half a year and I still don’t know what I’m doing. That’s ok, though – we’re having a lot of fun figuring it out.

Ellie-bird 2

The biggest milestone this month was TEETH. You popped those two little bottom center ones and it must’ve been a big relief because man have you been talkative lately. You’re big into prehistoric noises: pterodactyl-type screeches, velociraptor-style squawks, the occasional T. Rex roar. Your favorite place to converse is lying on a pillow next to me right after you’ve nursed. (Apparently a full stomach inspires your verbal eloquence.) You’ll wax rhapsodic about … well, we’re not sure what about, but whatever it is, it’s funny as hell. You even surprise yourself sometimes and stop in mid-speech to look at me or your daddy as if to say “who made THAT noise?”

She takes it right out of his mouth

Your eating continues apace. You can down rice cereal like it’s nothing, and are now branching out into the exciting world of fruits and veggies. True to your genetic code, applesauce is by far your favorite (your grandma says your father smelled like apples for the first three years of his life due to his consumption of vast quantities of applesauce and apple juice). But you’re pretty interested in just about anything you can put in your mouth: peaches, sweet potatoes, wine glasses, styrofoam coffee cups – you know, whatever. The new foods have also taken your belching abilities to a whole new level. I’d put you up against any beer-soaked barfly, any day.

Mmmm ... styrofoam

The cats are also an endless source of amusement. Fortunately, we got the training models, so they’re pretty patient about being grabbed in the face or having large tufts of fur pulled out of their tails. You get so excited when you get close to them, it’s all we can do to grab your hand and say “gentle!” which you don’t understand anyway so I’m not sure why we bother. I’m sure you’ll be an animal lover when you grow up, but right now you’re more of an animal stalker. God help the cats once you start crawling.

You were a big hit at your Tante Ellen’s wedding a few weeks ago. I can objectively state that you were the cutest baby there (and there were a lot of cute babies), and you adjusted to the new surroundings like a seasoned traveller. Not only did you exhibit great patience with the hordes of people passing you around like a plate of sandwiches, you also charmed the pants off the flight attendants, security guards, and other passengers on the plane. I wouldn’t say it’s exactly fun flying with an infant, but you get major points for bumping us up to the front of all the ticketing and check-in lines. Good going, kid!

Happy Ellie!

So anyway, your daddy and I are more and more smitten with you as the days go by. You’re developing a very sweet and spunky personality, and while you do have the occasional moments of possession by the cranky demon, you’re a pretty awesome daily companion. Can’t wait to see what the next 6 months bring.

Sweet baby

Love,
Mamala

The Secret Language of Sleep

Via Pip. Try it, it’s fun!

I am a seatbelt!
Seatbelt Traits and Tendencies: After a long night of The Seatbelt pose (and Seatbelts do sleep close to ten hours a night, quite a bit longer than the typical seven and a half), couples wake feeling warm, safe, and uniquely free of doubt. Regular doses of the pose can elevate Seatbelters to a new level of personal confidence, which buoys them to great heights in love and at the gym and can lead to plum promotions and camera time.

Comfort Zone: The Seatbelt pose is in the Sun Sleeper family. Related Sun poses to try: The Heimlich and Classic Spoons.

Health Note: For some couples (about one in every fifteen), extended periods of The Seatbelt’s patented “coziness” can lead to feelings of drugged complacency. If this happens to you, try switching to the Flying Bobs pose for as many nights as it takes to get the blood flowing again.

Find your own pose!

It all balances out in the end

How to Charm Me:
Sleep for 11.5 hours straight through the night. Oh, sweet sleep. Oh, good baby.

How to Irritate the Crap Out of Me:
Sleep an unprecedented 11.5 hours straight through the night, causing me to waken numerous times in absolute certainty that you had died in your sleep and we’d never get to try on all those cute toddler outfits we got, not to mention that I leaked QUARTS of breastmilk all over my pajamas, my side of the bed, and the cat. Oh, engorged boobs. Oh, painful ta-tas.

Belated Well-Wishing

My baby sister got married last weekend, at a lovely ceremony in Knoxville, TN. I was her matron of honor, and as such, should have given a speech at the reception. Only I sort of forgot about that part until the day of, and didn’t have anything prepared. And since I have an allergic reaction to ill-prepared speechifying, I weasled out of the duty, and just let the best man say all the kind words. Which was lame of me. So now that I’ve had time to think about it, here’s what I should have said at the time:

“When Ellen and I were little, I thought we were totally different. She had dark hair, I had light; she was outgoing and bubbly, I was shy; she was an irritating little sister, I was a superior oldest sister. (pause for laughter)

“But as we’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize just how similar we really are. Just about every time we visit each other, we realize we have the same toothbrush or use the same kind of shampoo. We’ll email each other on the same day to recommend the same movie to one another. In fact, we even have the same taste in husbands. Unhealthy obsession with video games? Check. A tendency towards scruffy facial hair? Check. Quiet but with a vicious sense of humor? Double check. Having been married myself for nearly 5 years now, I know I thank my lucky stars every day that I have such a wonderful, funny, loving husband to share my life with. Being married to the right person is just about the best thing there is. I know Ellen and Jon are each other’s “right person” and I wish them as much happiness and success in married life as I’ve known so far: may your lives together be doubled in joy and halved in sorrow. To Ellen and Jon!”

And I mean it, too. Sorry it’s a little late.

Index

Tickets for three to Knoxville for a special sister’s wedding: $500.

Bridesmaid’s dress and accessories: $150.

Wedding present, hostess gifts, dinners out: $300.

You and your baby catching a vicious cold just in time for the flight home: Worthless.